


Never Enough

by Howlingdawn



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: F/M, Heavy Angst, Self-Sacrifice, ain't no fluff in this house, fluff?, it's infinity war what did you expect, nah man, slightly AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-27
Updated: 2018-07-27
Packaged: 2019-06-17 07:35:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15456417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Howlingdawn/pseuds/Howlingdawn
Summary: Worst fears have a way of haunting you. Of stalking through your life, lurking in the shadows of your mind, waiting to strike. And when they do... they destroy you. And everything you love.





	Never Enough

**Author's Note:**

> Written for an angst duel against myglassesaredirty. I need to beat her, so I'm really not sorry for the angst you encounter below :)
> 
> I tried a new technique for this, sort of a flashback while the present scene is happening. It either worsens the angst or just makes the fic confusing. Here's hoping it's the former. Enjoy! (And by that I mean I hope you cry.)

_They curled up together in Loki's bed, lit only by silver starlight. Valkyrie pillowed her head on his chest, lazily tracing patterns over his skin. It had been a long day – taking care of a ship full of refugees was no simple task – and both were content to lie there in silence. Or so Val thought._

_"What's your worst fear?"_

Valkyrie impaled an Outrider on her sword. Racing by, Loki tore the body free and hurled it into the swarm. She plunged into the disoriented group, slicing her sword through the stumbling invaders. With a scream of effort, Loki tore others apart with telekinesis, blood spattering everywhere.

Valkyrie plunged deeper into the swarm to continue the fight, but she took a heartbeat to admire his bloodthirsty ferocity, his hair whipping over his shoulders, the way the dark blood on his face contrasted against his bright eyes, the bulging of his bicep beneath a tear in his sleeve.

_She tilted her head to look at him, but he was just staring at the ceiling, a thousand thoughts flickering through his eyes. "What brought that on?"_

_He shrugged the shoulder she wasn't tucked under. "Just… wondering."_

He caught her staring and winked, a gleeful grin cutting through the rage. "You owe me for this view."

She rolled her eyes, a smile betraying her. "Remind me why I love you."

In a flash of green, he tossed her upwards. She stabbed down on the Outrider barreling through where she had just been standing, cutting its head clean open. He dropped her, letting her land in a crouch.

"Because I saved you."

_She lowered her head, reaching for his hand and twining their fingers together. Taking a deep breath, she quietly admitted, "Losing anyone else I love."_

Valkyrie leapt forward, pushing him behind her and punching an Outrider with her sword's hilt. It started to crumple, stunned, but she grabbed its head and _jerked_ , breaking its neck with a sharp _snap_.

She caught his hand, noting his own aroused stare. " _We_ saved _each other_ , remember?"

"Well I certainly can't forget it right now," he mumbled, squeezing her hand as his eyes darted around, revealing the memories haunting his mind.

"Hey," she said softly. "You're ok. You've got this."

Loki pulled her to him, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "So are you."

_"Well, I can promise that will never happen while I'm around."_

_She rolled her eyes. "Of course not, that's the whole point of the fear."_

_He laughed. "Just trying to be reassuring."_

She forced a smile, pushing away to continue the fight. She hacked away, monitoring his bursts of green as he dismembered and threw Outriders, occasionally using the telekinesis to lift a civilian clear of danger and get them closer to the escape pods. She fought harder in those moments, when he was most vulnerable.

She couldn't lose him. Not today. Not like this.

Panting, sweating, and bloody, they reached the entrance to the bridge. Loki created a shield, holding the Outriders at bay while she peeked through the doorway.

Her heart plummeted.

_She rolled on top of him. "All right, smartass, your turn. What's your greatest fear?"_

Thanos stood amidst the wreckage, the Infinity Gauntlet glinting on his fist. Hulk was nowhere to be seen, and Heimdall lay sprawled and bloody on the floor, eyes brown and lifeless. Four aliens she didn't recognize stood in a circle, guarding the last person in the room.

Thor. Pinned on his knees, tears streaking down his face, glaring defiantly up at Thanos. "You won't catch him," he promised, voice low and vibrating with rage. "He's too smart for you."

Valkyrie glanced back at Loki, panic surging through her veins. He furrowed his brows at her, leaning forward to look for himself.

He inhaled sharply, his shield wavering.

Thanos chuckled darkly. "I have what he loves most. He'll give me what I want."

Valkyrie shut the door carefully. "We can rescue him," she said. "We can- we can make a plan-"

_He bit his lip. "I don't know if you're ready to hear that."_

Loki clenched his eyes shut. "No," he whispered. "If they've been defeated… There's only one way this ends."

"No," she protested, spreading her arms across the door. "No, Loki-"

"I have to die."

_"Come on," Valkyrie needled, scooching her hands closer to his very vulnerable, very ticklish armpits. "I can take it."_

She shook her head vehemently. He stepped up to her, tears wavering in his eyes, tenderly brushing her hair from her eyes with his free hand. "I'm the only one who can take the Tesseract from my pocket dimension," he whispered.

"You don't know that's what he wants-"

"I do," he said, just harshly enough to remind her what he'd been through. "And I am the _only_ thing truly standing between him and his goal."

_"Val!" he squealed, trying to wriggle free of her. She chuckled, persisting in her attack._

The Outriders squealed and snarled, clawing against Loki's shield. Valkyrie took his hand, pressing her cheek into it as a tear slid free, rolling down to spread along their joined hands. "There has to be another way," she pleaded.

Loki just shook his head, stroking a trembling thumb along her cheek. "The Gauntlet will sense that it can never be complete. All that will be left to do is make sure he never finds where I died should he collect the Time Stone."

She leaned in, touching her forehead to his as she slid one hand up to cradle the back of his head, burying her fingers in his thick hair. "We just found home."

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw a ripple. It was beautiful, emerald light giving birth to a deep blue hilt and silver blade. Already such a familiar sight, after these precious few weeks, one that usually made her smile – he was never more confident or at ease than when using his magic.

But as the cold metal grazed her temple, she didn't smile. As his fingers wrapped around the hilt, terror shuddered his breath. "I know we did."

He started to turn the blade on himself.

_"All right, all right!" he gasped through laughter. "I'll tell you. I just need my breath back."_

"Val," he rasped, stopping suddenly. "If I do it…"

"It's ok," she reassured him, even though she was falling apart inside, watching the future she had finally let herself envision slip through her fingers, tumbling back into the abyss they had both only just climbed out of. "You're right. It's… it's a necessary sacrifice."

He sounded a smidge relieved at that, at her acceptance. "That's… not what I was going to say."

Valkyrie leaned back, peering into the eyes he couldn't quite make look at her. Hesitance shimmered in their depths, shadowed by agony. "What is it?" she murmured, struggling to sound strong. To be strong. She was a warrior, damn it. Death was part of life. Death was something she had signed up for.

No matter how brutal.

He swallowed. "If _I_ do it… I can't get into Valhalla."

Valkyrie stopped breathing for a moment, shooting a glance at the dagger, recognizing his words as true. Self-inflicted death, no matter the reason, would sentence him to Hel. It had made sense to her once. But in that moment, she wanted to protest, she wanted to scream, she wanted to barge into the next room and slice Thanos to shreds for making him ask this.

All she did was manage a nod, slipping her fingers beneath his to take it from him. She turned it slowly, and he wrapped his arm around her back.

_"My worst fear…" Loki murmured, taking her hand._

"I'm sorry it's you, I am so sorry, but it… it's you or them," Loki said shakily, tipping his head to the savage Outriders. "And I really… I'd rather not die alone."

"I understand," she reassured him, positioning the end of the hilt against her stomach. Her hand alone wouldn't be able to do it. "Believe me… I understand."

He tried to smile for her. It just came off bitter, a beacon of hatred for what the universe had done to them. For what it was doing to them. "I know."

_"My worst fear is…"_

She flexed her fingers against the hilt, taking aim as best as she could through her blurred vision. She blinked the tears away – be strong. "I love you, Lackey."

The bitterness melted from his smile. "It's Loki."

Be strong so you can remember every detail of his face, from the quirk of his lip to the faded scar on his left cheekbone to that small lock of hair curling over his forehead. "I know."

As he chuckled, she drove her body towards him, sliding the blade into his gut.

_"It's Thanos, isn't it?" she asked. "Being back in his clutches."_

Loki's breath stuttered in a faint gasp, his eyes flickering wide. His magic wavered, but still he kept the Outriders at bay. His grip on her tightened in a spasm of pain, and his feet shifted, adjusting to her new closeness, to his new weakness.

_"No."_

The moved at the same time, reaching for the final comfort of each other's lips. It was warm and salty and soaked and _desperate_ , Loki pouring every ounce of his remaining strength into kissing her. She kissed him as if she had never before tasted him, as if she had never before felt the crispness of snow and the heat of love on his soft, slim lips.

They kissed under the knowledge of knowing- no, under the weight of _hoping_ that it would be thousands of years before they next saw each other.

They sank to the floor, intertwined to the last, refusing to be parted from each other. She bore the weight of him as his body failed, his legs folding beneath him and his grip on her weakening. He began to taste of blood, but only when his head began to sink did she release the kiss, moving to ease him onto his back, positioning her body to hide the knife from his sight.

He still lived, his breaths coming in shallow pants, his keen eyes growing glazed. She smiled for him, his blood on her lips, his blood on the hands she used to soothe him. "I love you," she repeated, over and over like a prayer, though her faith in the gods had shattered long ago.

Until him.

With a concerted effort, he focused on her, lifting a hand to trace the curves of her face with a delicate touch. "I… I hear her."

Valkyrie nodded, unable to keep the tremor from her voice, tilting her head to savor his touch. "Go to her, Loki. Be with your mother."

"And you'll come too, right?"

Gods, he sounded like a little boy.

"One day," she promised, kissing his forehead. A bloody imprint left behind from her touch. "I can't let you romp around causing mischief without me forever."

A laugh ghosted across his expression. "No," he agreed in the faintest of rasps. "You can't."

In his final moment of lucidity, he said three words. Three words that plunged into her heart and tore it open, that took the forming cracks and blasted them apart so her chest burned with the heat of a thousand suns even as he turned icy in her grip.

"It's all right."

For a heartbeat, she was the one that couldn't breathe.

With a soft exhale, Loki's eyes drifted shut.

His hand fell to the ground, meeting it with a soft _thud_ of finality that ricocheted through her soul.

Her jaw gaped in a scream she couldn't voice.

_"I won't judge," she said softly, dabbing away a tear beading on the corner of his eye._

With a screech, the Outriders broke through the decayed shield, forcing her to plunge back into battle.

With a roar, Thanos realized his plan was thwarted. For now, at least.

_He took a deep breath._

Keep Thanos away from the Time Stone. Keep him from the place of Loki's death. That was all she had left. All she would let herself hold on to.

Everything else seemed to die, after all. Again, and again, and again… and again.

With grief in her heart and rage in her hands, Valkyrie fought. She fought like hell, like she had all the strength of her sisters flowing through her veins. Maybe, through some stroke of magic, she did.

_His next words seemed to echo through the silent room._

It wasn't enough.

" _My worst fear is being killed by someone I love."_

It was never enough.

_"Especially if it winds up meaning nothing."_


End file.
